What I've Done
by I'mtheAlphahearmeRoar
Summary: That day Stiles Stilinski found out that, Derek Hale, did indeed cry. He also found out that it hurt him more than he'd ever say.


Stiles likes to think that he's not completely useless. Well yeah, sure, maybe he's the only human in their little rag-tag pack. (That's because Lydia's now a _Banshee_, Allison's not really in Derek's pack but more in Scott's, Danny—well, something with muscles like _that_ is definitely not human. He rests his case, and also will for as long as he lives, even given the smouldering death looks he'll probably get from a protective Alpha boyfriend –see: Ethan).

So, not completely useless. He likes to think that it's true. Yes, he does. But no matter how many times he tells himself it, no matter how _hard _he tries to get himself to _believe it_, Derek always stuffs it up; destroys that small shred of confidence he has in himself.

An example—just the other week. Two Omegas had come to town, and must have thought _Oh let's start killing random people just for the hell of it_. As soon as they'd arrived in Beacon Hills people started showing up dead every few days, their bodies ripped and torn to pieces (Deaton _must _have been right when he'd said that their sacrifices would make Beacon Hills a beacon to supernatural creatures), so _of course_ Derek and the pack had to step in and restore order in their territory.

Stiles had tried to help, and had very abruptly, been shot down by Derek's macho Alpha-ness. (Derek had returned from wherever he and Cora had been with his red eyes back, along with his Alpha superiority. Apparently he'd just needed to find himself, and he had to do that away from all of the danger that the town of Beacon Hills held in itself).

_"You're _human_, Stiles. You can't just jump into the middle of a fight between two _werewolves _and expect to get out alive. Don't do it again."_

And he had. He'd made it out alive. Omega A had taken one of Allison's deadly wolfsbane arrows to the head, while Omega B had fled in fear of the pack's pure awesomeness.

Derek had been angry—okay, more like furious—at him after, though. The Alpha had told him to stay out of dangerous fights from now on, to stop risking his life trying to be the hero in the situation, because he'd just end up getting killed.

"Well I'm sorry you think that_ Derek_, but like hell I'm going to stay out of it. They're _my _pack too, okay? I care about them as much as you do. So no, I'm _not _just going to stick by the sidelines and watch while my _friends _get pummelled by two crazed Omegas. I'll help as much as I can, even if I _do _end up dead. Because that's what pack is, sourwolf. We fight for each other, and if that's not enough, we _die _for each other."

Yeah, Derek had _not _been happy. He'd growled at him, called him an idiot and told him not to come around anymore before shutting the door in his face.

Stiles had yelled out a numerous amount of choice words and kicked the door a few times for good measure.

It seemed that being called an idiot and then told to 'piss off' in Derek Hale fashion with le door closing in le face was also an indication that said Alpha would most likely ignore him onwards from that point in time.

With that being said, it also brings him to Derek Hale's loft again, knocking on the door and expecting no answer (because it just so happens that werewolves and their freaky noses know his scent, because that's just his life nowadays), but taking a step back in surprise when the door actually opens, a very tired and ragged looking Alpha standing in front of him. (He must've woken the guy up. Oops, his bad).

"Stiles, I thought I told you to stay away from here." And oh, if the older man's voice this morning didn't sound just _wonderful_.

"Yeah, and I thought I told you _no way in hell_," he snapped back, barging past the werewolf with a knock of his shoulder hard enough to make Derek stumble backwards slightly. Wow. He must really be snoozy if Stiles can get past him this easy.

Derek sighed, and Stiles heard the loft door snap shut loudly before the Alpha was walking past him with a small hobble in his step. Huh. Derek Hale penguin walks after he just wakes up. Interesting, he must say..

"Stiles, _please_ tell me that you _at least_ have some important reason that involved waking me up this early in the morning," the bed-haired Alpha grumbled. Derek then yawned, covering his mouth just at the last second, glaring at Stiles like he was daring him to say something about it. He didn't.

"Uh, well, _I _think that this is important but—maybe not so much you." He smiled sheepishly when Derek's tired eyes narrowed, eyelids blinking in a sort of sleepy annoyance that didn't actually surprise Stiles as much as he'd thought it would. Derek could look annoyed even if he also did look like a fur ruffled, bleary eyed kitten who'd been woken up too early. "Yeah, like I said—not so much."

"_Stiles_," and Derek actually honest-to-god _whined _right there, "get to the point. _Please_. I want to go back to sleep."

Stiles sighed, huffing a breath between the cracks of his teeth. "I came by to say that—_yes_, Derek, I will lay off a little in the big fights. But no, no I will _not _stand by and just watch when you guys are getting your asses served to you by huge, hulking baddies that want to see you dead. I'll step in and help, no matter what that means for my own life."

Derek blinked once, twice, then frowned. And oh my gosh, this was actually a real life _Grumpy Cat_ right there. "Stiles, did you really have to pick _now _to tell me this?"

"Well, _I'm sorry_, but it's not like you were _ignoring me _or anything," he spat. Derek actually flinched.

"I shouldn't have ignored you," he said. Stiles nodded firmly, but that just urged the Alpha to go on. "But, maybe you should have taken a hint."

Stiles bristled. "What the hell is _that _supposed to mean!?"

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose. "It _means_, Stiles, that maybe you should take me ignoring you as a sign that you'd be best to stay away from me."

"I _did_!" Stiles yelled, throwing up his hands. "I had no _choice_! Because Derek, whenever I tried to _talk to you_, you'd just storm off and brood like such a fucking _masochist_!"

"Maybe that's because I _am_!" Derek growled, eyes flashing red.

Stiles jumped back, eyes wide.

"See this?" Derek pointed to his burning, fire red eyes. "This took _everything _from me, Stiles! Everything! Being an Alpha means taking care of the pack, protecting them, making sure that they're safe! And look how far I've got in that department! _Nowhere_! That's where! I've never had the right amount of strength, or stability, to help those kids! Boyd and Erica are dead in proof of that!"

Stiles' eyes saddened. "Derek..."

"So yes! Maybe I _am _a 'fucking masochist'! Maybe I _do _find solace in punishment! Because, seriously Stiles, that's really all I've _ever _received in my life! Punishment for everything wrong I've done! For murdering Paige! For killing my own _family_! For letting Erica die! For watching my own _claws _cut through Boyd's chest!" Derek was heaving now, out of breath, and Stiles felt a little part of him break inside when the next words that came out of Derek's mouth were muffled by a sob.

"Everything _good_ I've ever tried to do has backfired. _Everything_. Can't—can't I do _anything _right?"

"You can, Derek. You _can_ do something right. You _have_." Stiles took a few hesitant steps forward, hand coming up to touch, wanting to reach out to Derek, but he wasn't sure the Alpha would want it. His doubts were settled by themselves when Derek actually stumbled forward the last few steps between them and nuzzled his nose into the crook of Stiles' neck, breath shaky. Stiles rested a hand on the back of his neck, other hand moving to pull the werewolf closer.

"You have done good things, Derek. You gave Erica, Isaac and Boyd a home. They'd never felt like they were worth anything before you came along and helped them. You made them feel worth something, made them feel like they mattered. _You_, Derek. Y_ou _gave them that. And Isaac's grateful. He's repaying the favour in all the ways that he can, by being loyal to you as a Beta should to his Alpha. And Erica and Boyd were too. They were grateful. Even now, I bet. They're up there, howling with the other wolves who were lost to the moon. And they're howling... howling to _you_. You, Derek Hale. You, their _Alpha_. For making their lives better. For giving them _purpose_."

Stiles never knew Derek could cry. Didn't _believe _that the Alpha was capable of shedding tears. He'd never seen it in his life. So when he felt the wet drops on the skin of his neck, and heard the sound of small, quiet sobs muffled against his throat... he froze. He froze, eyes wide and bottom lip pulled back to hold in the whimper he felt brewing inside him. He could only shush the Alpha with soft words of comfort, gently rubbing Derek's back and desperately trying not to let himself cry as well.

That day Stiles Stilinski found out that, Derek Hale, _did_ indeed cry.

He also found out that it hurt him more than he'd ever say.


End file.
